Monday, June 04, 2007

Keep an eye out for feathers...

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I really shouldn't be telling stories out of school but I have it on excellent authority that there is breaking news about three Republican candidates. Remember how we thought it was a big deal that three of the candidates didn't believe in Evolution; well, that’s nothing!

My republican insider friend tells me that he has heard through the grapevine that they have even a bigger secret weapon. Not only can three candidates speak to God, they can also—get this—fly. Do you believe?

Now, being a candidate by and of itself, is not nearly enough! You have to be able to show something more. Flying is a good place to start like an oak leaf cluster added to the candidate campaign ribbon.

First of all, it gives you all kinds of secret advantages. If the democrats had this during the age of Segretti, he would have been arranging crashes all over the place. Democrats would have had difficulty picking up the pieces.

But inasmuch as it is pretty much the province of candidates who begin by talking to God, it’s pretty much like a slam dunk when it comes to do those rush jobs like keeping appointments.

Secondly, when a voter says to you, “oh God,” you can pull rank and say, “yes?”.

And thirdly, flying allows you to do those little things that guarantee an advantage like “hovering” above your opponent by about six inches which makes him or her look inferior; that’s a terrific plus during a debate…

Of course, none of our candidates will advertise this advantage but we think we will know them when we see them; otherwise, we shall ask Wolf Blitzer to ask all the candidates who don’t fly to raise their hands…

Of course, once this gets out, the dems ill a field day with this . Expect to have all of the Old St. Peter jokes recycled. And late night, you can expect to see Jay Leno outfitted with wings circling the NBC studio as he interviews recent college graduates about “levitating.” Of course, most will think he is talking about Humor 101 while the audience cracks up over how stupid today’s college grads while inside they are crying about paying old tuition bills.

Anyway, keep a close eye on the republican candidates feet tonight and keep a look out for feathers—that’s a dead give-away!

Les Aaron

The Armchair Curmudgeon


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