Medicine

A Point of View:

Did you ever get that feeling that you would just like to take a little pill and watch all of this painful stuff go away—a pill that would allow you to sleep like Rip Van Winkle til the Election?

I know I do….

But I’m afraid.

You see, after you take the pill, you have to worry about side effects—the bug a boo of TV watchers.

I would be taking happy pills all over the place if I didn’t have to worry about taking them when driving heavy equipment, or falling asleep on the highway in some giant rig where I might take a whole line of cars with me….

I mean there are so many things we have to watch out for—especially in the smaller print where they tell you in six point type that this little drug can cause your liver to stop automatically—it doesn’t spell it out all the way, but I can’t imagine that a liver stopping on you is a good thing anyway you slice it….

And then there’s the danger that the pill you take may give you these funny feelings in your legs that seem to compel you to want to move. (What’s wrong with that?, I wonder. I suspect if they moved, they wouldn’t have to take those little pills in the first place)….

And then there’s always the chance of dizziness that force you to be careful when you get up….Why? I suspect that’s because they don’t want you falling under the stove only to be discovered in the spring…

There are so many dangers associated with taking medication that the writers try to put a happy face on…. I mean can you imagine calling your doctor after having an erection for more than four hours? I mean what could you say: I’m sorry, doctor. I’m eighty five years old and I have been a bad boy? Come on….
The first thing you would do is run down to the corner to see the boys. Undoubtedly, you would become the neighborhood hero surely to earn praise in the hereafter for your exploits. Perhaps they would raise a statue to you but it might be awkward come to think of it….

Then there’s those other risks. I mean if you are taking an alpha blocker and memory enhancing drugs because you forget you were taking an alpha blocker, that could be dangerous I suspect.

And what about your partner, what would she think if you went out the door not wearing any clothes. Would that be embarrassing or not. I guess you wouldn’t have to worry until the neighborhood worked up a petition but look at all the challenges you face just taking a damned pill.

I’ve made up my mind, I will never take another pill because I don’t like the idea of the pharmaceutical companies getting rich off me because I’m falling apart.
I think we are entitled to a better future. By the way, whatever happened to that Golden Age. It doesn’t seem so golden these days…. It seems more like, “Bah humbug.” Increasingly, I’m beginning to sound more like that guy on Sixty Minutes who calls himself a curmudgeon. I’ve been a curmudgeon a long time but I can see that there are degrees of being curmudgeonly that almost defy description.

For the time being, I will not take the damned pill because I can’t remember all of the things I have to avoid if I do and I can’t remember if my alpha blockers is compatible with my prostate drug and my blood pressure which I only take now when I feel like it. It is kind of fun having your blood pressure go up and down real fast; kind of a cheap roller coaster but with the cost of these damned drugs who can afford to take them according to any regular schedule. I’d rather eat a burger which is a hell of a lot cheaper and makes me feel a hell of a lot better than any beta blocker ever did and wash it down with a good beer while I can still enjoy it and to hell with all of these medications. I’m going to die anyway so I might as well enjoy myself in the process. But don’t tell my kids; they think I should stick around forever and I’m already getting bored. Thank God, I never listened to all the prophets about what I should or should not do growing up.
It would have ruined my life. As of now, I’m feeling pretty good and ahead of the curve which is more than my mother in law does since she passed this mortal coil two weeks ago and listened carefully to whatever the quack doctor told her to do. So much for belief systems.

Les Aaron