Wednesday, October 17, 2007


The White House, Off-Camera

What really goes on:

Well, George, I think we pulled it off. While you were doing your looney tunes routine yelling and screaming about the threat of terrorism, I was wrapping things up all over the globe.

Dick, maybe we should just run through a few things….

Sure, where do you want me to start?

Well, let’s see what we really accomplished?

Well first of all, Dick, we got that damned constitution out of the way….it’s a real shame how a piece of paper can put the kabash on your plans…

Well, it was ready made. 9/11 took care of that!...

No question about it….

Don’t forget, that allowed us to get rid of habeas corpus almost immediately…

And allowed us to imprison suspects—even American citizens.

It was a first for that.

Did you see the public squeal?

But nobody did anything about it. We had scared the hell out of the democrats, too, by using that old threat of not being on America’s side in our battle against terrorism.

Got to hand it to you, Dick, you really pulled that off.

Yeah, we were doing fine in snooping and eavesdropping and sending suspects off to places like Egypt for interrogation when that damn prison got exposed.

Well, you have to take the good with the bad, Dick. We’re still doing our thing and without Court papers….

Yup! Score another one for our side.

And, Dick, you got the guys you wanted to run things in Iraq.

Yeah, that’s true. That was a coup.

Hey, Dick, whatever really happened with that 9 billion dollars in taxpayer monies that was lost?

You got me, George. Would I lie?

Hell, no; but I sure as hell won’t go hunting with you….

Well, it was his fault, he was standing in front of the birds...

That’s a good reason!....

What else?

Well, things were going pretty good with my appointments of sinecures til that damned Brownie started getting high and mighty.

We had the Cabinet folks okay the internal drilling licenses and we didn’t even claim the fees that were due us from the drillers because they were our friends.

Lucky, nothing happened with that.

Then we had all of those good kids come into the State Department to breathe down the necks of those Federal Prosecutors who didn’t want to follow up on those democratic trouble makers and we had to take them out.

Of course. The Attorney General had to take the heat on that one.

Oh, don’t worry about him. He’s helping me on Texas issues when I get out of here…

Otherwise, things look damned good.

Sure as hell do. I guess your family made a bundle with Carlyle.

Hell, yes, and I didn’t do so bad either.

And those PMA lobbies are making sure we don’t run out of money.

That’s essential.

What do you think of the new guys?

Well, I don’t like that Giuliani guy; he’s going to screw things up with our Arab friends, I’m willing to bet.

And yeah, that bloody Mormon is raising a little hell too about getting off of fossil fuels.

He’s just looking for a little more attention from Exxon-Mobile.

We’ll keep him in line if necessary.

By the way, good job of nailing those kids who are looking for health care services.

Yeah, you can't let them get away with that stuff, and there won’t be enough money to do what we want in Iraq.

Ain’t that the truth….

Well, you headed back to your hole, Dick?

Yes, how about you?

No, I’m going down to the ranch to take some more time off. I need to get those weeds down. And suck up some of those good ole’ Southern ribs….

Hey, George, hate to remind you…but you’re not really from the south.

Oh yeah, must have forgotten. Take care of yourself, Dick.

And don’t let those liberals get you down.

They wouldn’t if I could just use some of our biologicals on them…

Well, who knows? Maybe someday. We’ll keep you posted on that one, Dick.

By the way, how’s your gay daughter doin’?

Hey Dick how come your face got so red; is your machine working okay.

I hear this thumping sound coming from your chest.

It was okay before you got me pissed off.

Sorry, old buddy, it’s just my down home sense of humor.

Well, can it, you jackass!

Les Aaron


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