Amulets, Purification Rites and Other Solutions...

News&Views
The Armchair Curmudgeon
March 12, 2007


I’m going to wash that man right out of my hair…


I think the Indians down in South America had a great idea.
They purified the area that Bush just visited because it is a sacred place.
Maybe there’s something to that. And maybe we shouldn’t consider it as some kind of backward quackery. They might even be onto something!

I mean a little Clorox in all the right places isn’t such a bad idea…

And it kind of spurred my imagination to try other ideas that might shorten our Great Leader’s term in office to the benefit of not only us but all those other’s who were fooled into believing that America still believed in its Constitution and the Bill of Rights.


Imagine the possibilities.

We could field a team of the opposition’s true believers, rushing in with all the purifiers available to our advanced culture, the Duz, the Cascade, the SOS, even the Kirkman soap and the mop and the other relevant doo-dads essential to purification rights to clean the place up wherever he appears…. I mean it couldn’t hurt. And I’m sure they would be lots to do considering all of the misstatements, obfuscation and smoke and mirrors that goes on and bears our leader’s imprint..

We might even think of a little spiritual retaliation.

And when it comes to that, I would bet on the Haitians any time…

My old Haitian cleaning lady had a whole bag of tricks in her knitting bag. I found out about it after I asked her to clean the top floor which hadn’t been used much since the death of the old lady who used to rent there. Little did I know that when I asked her to clean up, she thought I meant “clean up!” As a result, she broke my newly plastered walls in order to install a half dozen incense burners in strategic locations as she went about the appropriate incantations adding the dried blood and the chicken entrails etc.

And it worked.

I wasn’t spooked by anything that ever happened in that room again. In fact, the only thing that spooked me afterwards was her.
The only problem I had was that I didn’t have the courage to fire her because she had this little cloth doll she used to carry around with her and a selection of little pins and stuff. And I had seen too many Voodoo movies to give her an easy way out.

So we endured. We were very polite. And she proved to be a great housekeeper until we moved out of state.

But, now, she could be our secret weapon. Armed with just an effigy and a few needles, she could change the course of human history and, perhaps, even return us to normal.
And these days, normal might not be so bad.

I am sure when this guy leaves, there will be a world-wide celebration and people will begin to breath easier once and for all. I’m just suggesting that hiring the right kind of
“cleaning people” might just speed the process along….and we might take a page from those South American Indians.

Les Aaron
The Armchair Curmudgeon