New Target Revealed by Michael Chertoff...

Guess what, folks.

Know where the terrorists are secretly plotting to hit?
You're not going to believe this...
I've got the inside scoop directly from Mr. Chertoff, the director of the BrownShirts, I mean the Homeland Security program...
And this is going to cost you….No! I’m just kidding. I’m going to tell all of my friends. We progressive, liberal, “pinko” types have to hang together if you know what I mean.

Anyway, back to the subject. Yes, believe it or not...the terrorists are planning to hit the most subtle of all targets, Las Vegas.
(Now, there's one, I might even endorse...)...
How ingenious can you get? Who would ever imagine...Las Vegas.
Everybody in the place is already bombed out. Wouldn't that be redundant?

Can you imagine it? I can see all of those fifty something over- the- hill stars coming out of their jars of vinegar and heading for the hills... I guess it must be pretty hard to run in those high heels...

Can you imagine the desert full of croupiers, and hookers with their fifties hair-dos....

It would scare the bejesus out of all of the desert foxes, the rabbits and even the snakes I would imagine, although some might find themselves in good company...

At the tables, there would be mayhem... Are they going to hit the black jack or the roulette tables. People are going to hear all kinds of crazy odds. That added to all those danged little bells going off, will make sure that nobody will leave a sure thing. Anyway, I'm willing to bet 18 to 1 that the roulette tables are safe.
And I haven’t even touched on the slots. Even if there was a direct hit, I don't think you could remove some of those grand-mothers who play two machines and always look bored; but God forbid you try to sit down next to one of those machines and they’re ready to take off your arm below the elbow…

I guarantee if they hit Vegas, they won't hit the high stakes tables; that's where all the North Koreans, the Chinese and the Arabs are playing away our hard-earned tax money on Bacarat...

Hey, a hit on Vegas by other than the mob? It might even be a good thing for Vegas. Imagine, your sitting at the bar and you’re expecting to be blitzed, what do you do? Buy a half dozen rounds so that you will not be left holding the bag when the bartender is turned into radioactive dust…

In fact, you’d probably do better to buy the entire bottle and chasers so you’re equipped for any emergency. Now, figure out how the house is going to do if everyone within target range, reaches the same decision…

Anyway, if you think I’m kidding, Harry today asked for Michael Chertoff’s resignation. Why? He’s earmarking countless tens of millions to protect Las Vegas as a principal target for terrorists.

Harry doesn't believe it. Harry is one of those bloody realists...
Well, if I were Michael, I wouldn't take it too hard. I mean there's always some other government sinecure that he can run where he won't have to keep such a high profile. And Bush seems to think he's doing a good job; (but he also thought that the head of FEMA was doing a good job, too...)! Oh well!

What next?

Bomb protection for those two bridges to nowhere in Alaska.

Considering what’s going on in Washington today, I’d consider anything….

Hey, how come we’re not protected? We’ve got the largest supply of
Old sunken subway cars in the entire United States; we have the largest supply of horseshoe crabs and this used to be the place where the KKK burned its crosses before it discovered the beach’s attractions…

And that’s not chopped liver, folks.

Irreverently,
Les Aaron