AN ICONOCLASTIC VIEW OF THE YEAR AHEAD...

SATIRE: Every Pun Intended...

BETTING FUTURES...

Rumsfeld was working late doing his favorite thing: programming the new line of fighting bots soon to be sent off to Iraq. These would be rubbed in pork fat to guarantee that any Islamic terrorist would flee any possible contact to avoid endangering the prospect of an end game of 72 vestal virgins singing in a pear tree. Rumsfeld’s plans also including high altitude drops of comic books depicting the vestal virgins in various states of repose. Only in this version, carefully omitted by religious texts, the virgins are all over eighty years of age, toothless and saggy chested…

This just goes to show you how low we are willing to sink to protect our moral rectitude and sacrifice our values in order to achieve our material ends!

Meanwhile Cheney had emerged from the underground for a short bout of excessive middle –finger giving to France, Germany and just about anyone else who didn’t like us taking over the world!... Cheney was now expert at this Republican salute with either hand lending him a certain credibility in certain sectors of the country known for their unfriendliness to anything foreign, whether it was tamales, kraut or French fries…

However, it was all ‘wink-wink’ with the Ruskies ever since we discovered how much oil they had buried deep in Siberia that had changed the muddled relationship and led to an accord with the former leader of the new Russia.. Putin was even invited to the ranch to do a day’s work gathering brush to be burned at night while everyone gorged on hot dogs and barbecue and sat around holding belching contests to see who was more adept. Apparently, this is Bush’s strong suit and that he has out-belched half the world’s leaders.

In the meantime, twenty million Mexican “visitors” were complaining about everything. They didn’t think it was right that Californians were hitting them with shovels because they were helping out the growers; nor did they think it was fair that the telephones were so high off the ground in those booths; or that it took so long to have a baby become a citizen at those border hospitals. Vincente Fox was close to declaring war on los Estados Unidos in order to get back Utah and Colorado which he felt would make great profit centers for enchiladas, blankets and some good smokes…

Wal-Mart was now arranging for loans to pay for Chinese products like lawn chairs and computer games and portable radios that fit on the back of people’s truck after football games. Those who were having mental breakdowns dealing with Wal-Marts were being shipped to Wal-Mart Rest Centers or if they committed violence against what Wal-Marts stood for which was America wound up in Wal-Mart sponsored prisons—the latest and fastest growing segment in the Wal-Mart family…

You could of course eat yourself into healthy oblivion by frequenting the new MacDonalds where good health was spelled out in veggie burgers with over 100 million sold to date.
If that didn’t work for you, there was always DIM the successor to TGIF. DIM—standing for “Damn, it’s Monday” was the new concept in drink emporiums where you could drink til your heart’s content and play video games that describe violent car crashes caused by drinking too much and later, in the more advanced versions, games that describe wife beatings that resulted from wives telling their husbands not to frequent DIM’s. They had all the bases covered.

And there were lots of reasons to drink. Among them, the fact that Chalabi was recently appointed VIP with newly won control of all of the oil in the Middle East which kind of antagonized the Iranians who felt that he was a lousy puppet like they had before with the Shah and were not ready to take this scenario lying down no matter what the Neo-cons thought…

Americans still believed by a majority of 55 to 44% that Saddam was the Devil incarnate who had WMD and was the prime-mover in 9-11 despite what the democrats said or any physical proof to the contrary…In the meantime, General Powell had disappeared off the face of the earth and Cindy Rice was still trying to explain America’s black program to extra-terrestrials at Creedmore Hospital for the Hopelessly Demented. The one bright note was the fact that New Orleans was making a comeback after FEMA stacked up 200,000 portable mobile homes six high around the City to make it look lived in and habitable.
Mexicans were brought in from border states to parade during the New Year’s celebration while the real New Orleans population emerged from tents to stare vacant eyed at the TV from as far away as Montana….

So, it was back to square one we could say. We were optimistic and pessimistic at the same time and nobody was sure who was who. In other words, it was business as usual at Foggy Bottom…in the land of the dazed and confused…


Moondogger!....

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