Republican Survey and Questionnaire

Message in my mail box:
les Aaron



Republican Planning Group—Leadership Committee

Emergency Request:

Dear Friend of the Republican Party:

As you know, we are being beset by challenges on all sides. In the coming months, it seems clear that we will have to make some fundamental changes in our line-up for next year due to some forces beyond our control, as a result, we are turning to our friends for guidance and support!

We hope that our tactics and our hard work on your behalf last year benefitted you and that you will be willing to stick with us through the difficult times ahead so that our ideas and our values may prevail despite the biased attacks being made by the unholy forces of the left!

In view of this, we have prepared the following questionnaire that we hope that you will read and pass along to some deserving young man or woman who possesses the “right stuff” to keep us headed in the same direction where values, patriotism and anti-abortion are the right standard for America.

This questionnaire is the first step in finding new leaders to replace those that the Democrats have attacked without compassion or provocation and where those indictments will result in a loss of those individuals’ services to an American that has launched its crusade to bring our values and ideals to a foreign and hostile world.

Survey: Part One

To help us determine whether you are true potential for our cause, please complete this first phase of the survey to the best of your ability; Remember, there are no right or wrong answers and that your responses will only be used to guide us in our search for qualified candidates.

1. Do you have the strength of character to embellish the truth if the Lord sees a need for it to further the course of our aims and aspirations?. Can you maintain a sense of perspective in misapplying the truth if it is necessary to preserve our high religious and ethical standards? Can you accept that this would only be a temporary thing to confuse the Devil and in order to achieve our ends? And can you do so with growing equanimity and a straight face?

2. Can you turn the other cheek or go on the defensive just as quickly when your values and beliefs are being challenged by the disciples of the Devil? Can you do this for the sake of our believers so that we may survive and prosper among the Heathens!

3. Can you speak in tongues despite the fact that there are those who might confuse your garbled speech as being indistinct, not literate or uninformed? Can you pronounce the words of their technology that does not synchronize with our own views of Creation such as “nuclear” and other words that this technological elite try to use to makes our Leader seem inept, uneducated and simply barbaric?

4. Are you capable of looking into someone’s eyes and understanding their soul?

5. General Question: You may choose to answer this one or not: In the interests of our movement appearing as if it possesses true leadership potential and to preserve our masculine advantage, might you consider stuffing a pair of socks into your briefs on special occasions such as to declare Victory in one of our quests?…

6. Do you have a flag collection at home that you can point to with pride? Do you yearn to have your picture taken next to Mt. Rushmore?

7. Do you have a weapons collection? Can you say with a straight face that it is not weapons that kill people but people who kill people and believe it?

Multipart question:

8. Do you believe in Jesus?

If so, do you believe that Jesus could lie, mislead, bully and even beat the living Hell out of those who do not support his views? Do you hear voices speaking to you that emanate from a higher plain (20 pts. Additional for correct answer)?

9. Do you shun charities for the poor who are simply lazy misfits unwilling to apply the Lord’s teachings to rise above their conditions.

10. Do you believe that it is important to do anything possible to help your friends and family not only keep what they have but also to augment their wealth and power at any expense? Can you honestly say that no matter how much you have, it is never enough?

11. Have you ever belonged to a secret organization? Has that organization made you intimate with another man? Did you like it?

12. Do you drink? Can you drink and be able to further our goals and agendas? Can you do these things and ingest snacks such as pretzels and chips without becoming confused and falling down and hitting your head?


13. What are your feelings about talking up the need for others to serve? What about yourself? Are you ingenious at finding ways to let the others bear the burden while you, instead, remind them of their obligations under God and the Law to serve their country and to make it safe for you and your friends?

If you can do these things, you sound like a candidate we would like to talk to in greater depth. Please sign this questionnaire and return promptly to the Committee Chair below:

Thank you for your commitment and contribution.

Best wishes and true regards
With our blessing and compassion,


Director and Campaign Chair
For the Republican Planning Group