The Great American Blog Contest!

The Great Blog Contest:

Enter here:


Shiver my blog, and rustle my timbers, mate, we have all slipped down the bifurcated bunny hole and await the Mad Blogger’s bin “Bad” buffet which is likely to feature filet of Clinton, a Saddam satay, and a few fingers of Firth, the traitor (supporter of stem cells—time to get even…) with a hint of dialysis extract….
There’s no accounting for taste!

Before Blogging appeals to the bi-polar, the bozos and the Bush’s (interchangeable), we suggest that those benign blogging talents be better utilized in the here and now by introducing the bloggiest contest yet.

Out of this bouillabaisse of Tom Foolery, we want to extract the brainiest, bawdiest, zaniest, outlandish history of Blog creation that anyone can think of.

In a spirit of true Blog dementia, we wish to underscore that this endeavor be undertaken in the spirit of intellectual freedom in the time of two parties and one Constitution. Join this effort and belabor your brains conjuring up your interpretation of Blog history for consideration here.

Blog writers whose histories are accepted by our outstanding panel of Blog judges, me, (appropriately imbued with the spirit of Carlin, Carson and Leno), will unfortunately not be notified or otherwise encouraged to continue. In fact, we will no doubt burp in your general direction! However, your blog will appear with appropriate credits on our blog and it is up to you therefore to follow up, me hardy. .. . (I know, the rules don’t apply to me; but tough nuggies! IF you had the idea, you would be writing the Blog History yourself. Ha! Ha!.) Keep it short, max one standard monitor page format. Keep it readable. And make it funny! Anyway, good luck, don’t expect encouragement because this is the real world and may the best Blogger historian win…:or blackmail the competition accordingly—whatever is your wont. We don’t really care…

Just one point: Don’t call me expecting compensation. (We bloggers are poor as church mice since Bush cut off our lush welfare benefits and those giant disability checks that allowed us to have bread with our water.)

RULES OF THE CONTEST: : Your blog history may continue from here or you may begin anywhere you choose. Start over. Do a Captain Kirk Genesis! Do whatever you like; it only has to be funny! (How’s that for creative freedom. There is one catch, however: You must however swear an oath of fealty to me for the rest of your life and pick up after my kids until they reach majority.. Just kidding!)

Choose from one of these examples or invent your own history:


Uncovered, somewhere in the unsullied Blogosphere is the history of Blogging that goes back to before the bland banalities of the Middle Blogs, way before, to the time of the great Wave and the ArcBlog where a little masculine blog and a little feminine blog bonked their little behinds up the boards with the butchers, the bakers and the other brain-starved button heads who t later morphed into the Anti-blogging Bozos of the Burning Bush and their bi-pedal relatives who live in frog dung in a hole in the earth called BrainFart in the southwestern part of the hottest, bitchiest pestilential part of sludge known as Texas…

But this is getting ahead of our story. The original Blogs were once again spotted in the Great Blog Record at the time when all little blogs were the virtual captives of the Mainframers, who believed that too much game playing on those PC’s led to excessive drool, dementia and body-rot…

According to the Great Blog biopic, the Apple people freed the blogs from the Great Gate-keeper to escape across the bifurcated Blog Sea to the place of wind and sand called San Jose. It was a time of much maintenance but secretly the Blogs were being created once again by their creators—the benevolent Xeroxians, the selfless warriors who gave everything and gained nothing, and the Adobe people; and the little blogs survived to fight another day.

There was much travail in their history and much wandering through the sand for Apple outlets and extension cords. But their efforts were not in vain. A history of the blogosphere began to emerge and it is to that that we now turn.


Either complete the history in one page or go to example two:

Example Two: We learn that many people from far off places called Randius and Sperry-och and Honeywellysia who predated the later Dell people with their little beady eyes and big portfolios came to attack the Blogs and show them who was boss. Their bellicose banalities suggested a drop in market share points ; but none could overcome the blogs in their quest for freedom and liberty because of their faith in the power of blogging to resolve all external problems. Of course, it didn’t hurt having the proverbial sling shot in your back pocket and a supply of rocks.

Many anti-bloggers came to rue the day. But they never seemed to learn their lesson. The Blogs continued to survive year after year, thanks to the generosity of the good ruler, AMAX, and for generation after generation, threat after threat until the reign of the Great Gates who said screw ‘share ware’ and let them all pay for the privilege—even if he didn’t know what that privilege was. The Mainframers shrank away when Watson the Bold did not intercede but drifted away to Beaches Palm.... Eventually leaders, like the guru, Gore, invented new ways to create unity among the Blogs and eventually bested the myopia of the anti-blogging forces. But, in the end, was brought down by the falsely compassionate one. But, alas, that is another story. .

After many years, the King of the Blogs son, the Great Jobs, came to rule who resolved problems by adapting the ideas of the Xeroxians in a new form. And there was peace.. . It was in this time that a temple was built to commemorate what the Great Guru had taken credit, called the Net, and it would stand the ultimate test of time and be regarded as holy through-out all time….

BEGIN HERE….. Or Start Fresh: Your choice!