From My Second Favorite Curmudgeon: The Mad Squire

THE PRENEWS--tomorrow's news today!

Headline: BUSH ADMITS HAVING EVUL [sic] TWIN PERSONALITY

In an even more disjointed speech than usual, President Bush today admitted that although he ran as a compassionate conservative, he has a split personality and that his "evul" twin self is responsible of the failures of his administration. "He did it," Bush mumbled. "I've tried to stop him, but he hates me for being good and wants to bring me down." Asked if his evil self should be impeached, he said: "Sure, I think we need to teach the bastard a lesson. I'm all for it."

Headline: SADDAM FOUND NOT GUILTY! In a stunning turn of events, Saddam Hussein is set free by the Iraqi tribunal set up to try him for killing his own people. In an impassioned speech after the verdict, Hussein forgave president Bush, saying, "Hey, we all make mistakes," and that "if it weren't for the Butcher of Baghdad--as Bush is called now around the world--I'd have looked a lot worse to the members of the tribunal who have exonerated me. If he needs a place to hide out sometime, he's welcome to come to Iraq." President Bush, who is still in hiding somewhere, was not available for comment.

TIB International News Service--all rights reserved