The Man Who Knew Too Much…


Hey, Mr. Head Honcho, how come you know so much?

Head Honcho: I keep current.

Questioner: But I read all the books and you don’t! You even admitted to not liking to have to read.

Head Honcho: Yeah, but you don’t have what I have…

Questionner: And what’s that?

Head Honcho: The Patriot Act!

Questioner: The Patriot Act?

Head Honcho: Yeah, the Act that we pushed through Congress in one week…
Well, in the small type, when hunting terrorists, I can exercise my divine right to find out what’s going on…

Questioner: Isn’t that against the constitution?

Head Honcho: At times, like this, the Patriot Act supersedes the Constitution…

Questioner: Shouldn’t you have told somebody that?

Head Honcho: Hey, I hinted at it at numerous meetings with Congress…

Questioner: Are you sure they understood your intent?

Head Honcho: What does it matter when you are right….

Questioner: But, sir, we live in a land guided by law; saying you’re right is not enough!

Head Honcho: Hey, if you mean the constitution, that’s just a G** Damned piece of paper.

Questioner: But isn’t that why young Americans from every walk of life are giving their lives and their futures for?

Head Honcho: No, they are doing it because they’re patriots; and you’re not!

Questioner: Why am I not?

Head Honcho: Because you’re questioning my motives?

Questioner: Sorry, sir, but I thought that’s what it means to live in a democracy…

Head Honcho: Not in this democracy, friend. By the way, have you heard about quarantines… Keep a lid on the loose talk!

Questioner: Is that a threat, Mr. Head Honcho?

Head Honcho: I’d say you should interpret it the way you like. Remember, I don’t offer clemency…

Questioner: -Anyway, getting back to your snooping, have you heard anything good?

Head Honcho: Well, I don’t like the term snooping, as if we’re doing something wrong but to answer your question, yes we do!

Questioner: Like what?

Head Honcho: Well, for starters, you’d better lay off the bimbos; the little lady is about to get upset…

Questioner: You’re snooping on me?

Head Honcho: Oh well, you’re just one among many!

Questioner: So whom do you listen to?

Head Honcho: Mostly, those with Arab sounding names…you know…

Questioner: How do you know what they’re saying?

Head Honcho: Oh, Mr. Smart Guy, you know we don’t have nearly enough interpreters and transcribers who understand the dialects….

Questioner: No, just wondering what’s the point if you don’t translate what they’re saying?

Head Honcho: Don’t you worry about that; that’s our next priority…

Questioner: So, what you’re saying is that you gather information that you don’t understand

Head Honcho: Picky, picky. What are you trying to rub our noses in it?

Questioner: No, just trying to understand why you intentionally violate the constitution when there’s not a damn thing you can do with the information you receive…

Head Honcho: Say, friend, what do you think would happen if the names of some of those Bimbos leaked out. And you know, I’ve got the boys for that…

Questioner: Thank you, Mr. Head Honcho, for the interview……