Surgeons Tackle New Malady!

NEWS!

New Demands Keep Surgeons Busy:

For those who may have missed the latest surge in plastic surgery around the company and ask themselves why, here's the answer. Plastic surgery is undergoing a metamorphosis of sorts all caused by a new condition that is rocking homes from New York to LA..

No, it's not the same old stuff. It's not that women are undergoing additional surgery to compensate for sagging boobs, butt reduction or Ab definition; no, it's much more insidious than that.

Here’s what we’ve been able to learn: An undercover team at NBC has been secretly covering the leading plastic surgeons on their rounds and discovered that the new national concern affecting most Americans of conscience is psst...the mysterious new malady, known simply as "fr.” . Yes, Americans of all kinds, shapes, and persuasions are opting for surgery to take care of this pernicious condition that they would rather not discuss.

What is fr? When we refer to this condition, we're not talking about frogs, frenchmen or some new radio station, we are talking about the latest worry among the cognoscenti, 'frown removal.'

According to one of the leading specialists in this field, frown removal was virtually an unknown field of specialization until about five years ago when it started popping up all over the place especially after certain milestones in our economy.

Tax giveaways produced the first; the lack of an investigation into 9/11, caused a speculative rush on plastic surgeons and it only got worse after that. “ I can't begin to tell you how many we've treated as a result of the job exodus, the Iraqi War or the rise of Enron,.” admits one authority.

Surgeons from around the world have converged on the US to help out.
“There's no question, “said another,” that this procedure leads the rest when diminished confidence is detected in the thought leaders. Some of these leaders are so beset with frowns that it takes literally hours to remove them…”

“No, we're not sure of anything,” say's one surgeon, “except patients tell us that its ruining their self confidence and and adding years to what was an unlined face.”
One patient complained, "Frowns have had the affect of adding ten years to my life; this president simply isn’t worth that kind of travail. .".

What's the cure? asked one reporter. A leading surgeon said, “only time.”

A forum of surgeons said that we will only see a let up in traffic when the Administration changes. Right now, it seems like more of the same for the next four years.

. What can someone affected do to mitigate the effects? One surgeon said that he is doing a bang up job of selling Clinton tapes. People feel good after viewing the tapes and have ordered more. “With a reduction in tensions,” the surgeon admits, “ the frowns seem to go away. Only to return when the subject is re-exposed to the daily news.”

For the time, it looks according to one authority of a question of learning how to grin and bear it. For now, the business in frown removal is pushing all of the other procedures out of the running and surgeons have to extend their hours to stay even. However, on the plus side, old frowns seem to selling well in Japan for some unknown reason. But the Japanese, largely inscrutable, do not seem to respond to normal stimuli and usually when things go “down” here, they tend to go “up” there. So who can figure? Then, too, Japanese with their self indulgent ways will pay upwards of $600 for glacier ice indicating that they don’t know what to do with their yen. Others in the know report that used frowns taste just like hog jowls and makes a good pet food when appropriately blended. Others are considering using them as ingredients in cosmetics or frankfurters.

Les Aaron.